A toxic workplace can be easily spotted: there is a boss who micromanages. Workmates who gossip. And unpaid overtime projects. Your dream job can turn into your worst nightmare. The solution– quit the job and move on. However, toxicity can be tricky to point out in real life. Because as you go through your usual activities, some appear to be working just fine. Until it fully takes away your happiness after a long time. Unlike work, you cannot quit life that easily. 

They say you cannot spot a toxic environment when you are living in it. You can tell that your workplace is toxic because it is only a part of your life– a fraction of what you do daily. You can point out the red flags all you want and move on because you are not dedicating your entire self to it. The opposite happens when it comes to your actual life– your thoughts, habits, the things you do when no one is around. While outside forces can influence toxicity, it can come from the mind. And you will never know how toxic it can be until you reach your lowest point. 

Admitting that life is becoming toxic is a tough process. But learning to recognize its triggers is one step to overcoming the struggle. To help you pinpoint what damages you, here are some of mine that I managed to deal with.

Toxic Things I Removed From My Life to Finally Be Happy

The Clutter

Clutter is defined as something untidy or disorganized. While this applies to most physical items. It can also include mental and emotional baggage. And all of them heavily affect productivity. As this kind of burden piles up, it contributes to the creation of an external toxic environment. 

At the beginning of my decluttering journey, I opted to deal with what I can control– physical clutter. You may think that a messy space has nothing to do with toxicity. But according to Dr. Kristen Fuller, MD, excessive physical clutter can entrap a person mentally and physically causing distress. It becomes an intoxicating environment that affects well-being. And in my experience, seeing everything all over the place draws attention, causing distraction and irritability in my surroundings. 

Today, I have found myself finding peace in organizing things. A clean space brings me tranquility that allows me to focus on more important tasks, be productive in both life and work, and brings in more positive energy. To fully cleanse my surroundings, I also had to deal with clearing toxic relationships and shifting habits. Not only have those have taken a toll on my well-being, but they do not also support the growth I am aiming for. 

Clearing the clutter may be as easy as “removing what does not spark joy.” But more often, it is harder than letting go of items. The clutter might have been staying there for a long time. And it took me a while to pinpoint what I need to let go of. But in letting go, I have found something better. 

Self-doubt & Second Guessing

A mind is a powerful tool. Think of anything you want and you can condition yourself to strive towards that goal. Align your thoughts, ideas, and plan our series of actions to make something happen. However, while it can be a powerful tool to succeed, it can also destroy you. 

Whenever there is uncertainty on a task or a situation. It is normal to second guess. It is not always jumping off the bat, it is normal for humans to stop for a while and doubt their abilities. However, having this repetitive behavior can lead to serious consequences. This is one of the hardest challenges I faced. Because no matter how much I prepared for something, I beat myself up with doubt and too much second-guessing. And it always ends up in a pool of negative thoughts. 

Learning to balance self-acceptance and improvement became my self-care process. It is about reminding myself that I can do it, while not ignoring the possibility that I still have to learn throughout the execution of a certain task. You have to train your mind to give credit to your preparation. If self-doubt comes from bad experiences in the past, recognize the triggers and practice overcoming those. Use the power of your mind to decide on what is going to happen. Balance things out and see what works better for you.

Overworking

Life is full of endless possibilities and you can be whoever you want to be. To achieve this, you start to develop a momentum of working hard to get what you want. May it be expensive possessions, gathering connections, or a huge career break. Your job will help you a lot to achieve it. 

However, work is only a part of life. Overworking yourself can lead to serious health issues, develop negative habits, and can damage your overall lifestyle. No matter how important running a business or keeping your job is, work-life balance should be the priority. I have been through countless sleepless nights, neglecting self-care, and dedicating most of my time to my career. Seeing my progress was great, but it is becoming an unhealthy practice. According to several studies, overworking that leads to burnout can cause deteriorating mental health. Depression and anxiety have been its top effects along with a heightened risk of stroke and heart disease. 

Learning to balance work and life may be challenging for workaholics. But your mental and physical health should not suffer as you go on your journey to success. I have learned that even prioritizing one too much can also be damaging. Overworking can cause issues that can prevent you from going to work. It reduces your fuel to your drive. Thus, balance is all there is left to do. Take time to rest, spend time outside, nourish your relationship with people, and take care of yourself. Because short-term success should cost you long-term problems.  

Toxic Positivity

During difficult times, staying positive is important to keep going– “look at the bright side of things,” they say. It can help you overcome challenges by focusing on the better aspect of the situation or shifting your attention to something more desirable. But, only looking at what comforts you can be toxic. 

Tabitha Kirkland, psychologist and associate teaching professor at the University of Washington’s Department of Psychology, defined toxic positivity as a response that dismisses emotions instead of affirming them. It can stem from a place of discomfort and a lack of empathy. Toxic positivity is a “false reassurance” over a serious issue. While it can manifest in your response to other people’s challenges, you can unknowingly do it to yourself too. 

Clinging on to positivity prevented me from recognizing my emotions. Looking at the “bright side,” caused me to suppress what I deemed as unwanted emotions (negativity). And that did not help in solving them. Which resulted in even more suppressed negative emotions. Now that I have learned better, every feeling and emotion should be acknowledged. According to some research, ignoring negative emotions makes people feel worse later on. Not only can it let you enjoy real happiness, but also completely let go of negativity.

Define Your Happiness

Marie Kondo always asks, “does it spark joy?” While this applies to organizing closets and only keeping what is important to you, it is a powerful principle towards achieving happiness. Toxicity can sometimes be comforting– but only to the point of getting used to it. I found myself being comfortable in a toxic situation just because it has been a norm for me. It is comfortable because I had no idea how much it affects my well-being and I do not have to change. But does it spark joy for me?– also no. 

The only thing there is left to do is to change my views, habits, and how I treat myself. More than anyone, I know how I can find happiness. And from that, only I should know how to make it happen. 

It’s up to you to decide on how to live your life. You can settle with a monotonous lifestyle, a comfortable one, or constantly live on the edge. What matters is to choose how you wish to live every day. When things do not look good, feel right, or cause you happiness, you have to take charge in abandoning it. Because you always deserve to live your life the way you want to. It took me enough courage to keep only those that sparked my joy. Discover what is yours and reclaim your peace and happiness.  

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