Life

  • Life, Mindset

    Toxic Things I Removed From My Life to Finally Be Happy

    A toxic workplace can be easily spotted: there is a boss who micromanages. Workmates who gossip. And unpaid overtime projects. Your dream job can turn into your worst nightmare. The solution– quit the job and move on. However, toxicity can be tricky to point out in real life. Because as you go through your usual activities, some appear to be working just fine. Until it fully takes away your happiness after a long time. Unlike work, you cannot quit life that easily. 

    They say you cannot spot a toxic environment when you are living in it. You can tell that your workplace is toxic because it is only a part of your life– a fraction of what you do daily. You can point out the red flags all you want and move on because you are not dedicating your entire self to it. The opposite happens when it comes to your actual life– your thoughts, habits, the things you do when no one is around. While outside forces can influence toxicity, it can come from the mind. And you will never know how toxic it can be until you reach your lowest point. 

    Admitting that life is becoming toxic is a tough process. But learning to recognize its triggers is one step to overcoming the struggle. To help you pinpoint what damages you, here are some of mine that I managed to deal with.

    Toxic Things I Removed From My Life to Finally Be Happy

    The Clutter

    Clutter is defined as something untidy or disorganized. While this applies to most physical items. It can also include mental and emotional baggage. And all of them heavily affect productivity. As this kind of burden piles up, it contributes to the creation of an external toxic environment. 

    At the beginning of my decluttering journey, I opted to deal with what I can control– physical clutter. You may think that a messy space has nothing to do with toxicity. But according to Dr. Kristen Fuller, MD, excessive physical clutter can entrap a person mentally and physically causing distress. It becomes an intoxicating environment that affects well-being. And in my experience, seeing everything all over the place draws attention, causing distraction and irritability in my surroundings. 

    Today, I have found myself finding peace in organizing things. A clean space brings me tranquility that allows me to focus on more important tasks, be productive in both life and work, and brings in more positive energy. To fully cleanse my surroundings, I also had to deal with clearing toxic relationships and shifting habits. Not only have those have taken a toll on my well-being, but they do not also support the growth I am aiming for. 

    Clearing the clutter may be as easy as “removing what does not spark joy.” But more often, it is harder than letting go of items. The clutter might have been staying there for a long time. And it took me a while to pinpoint what I need to let go of. But in letting go, I have found something better. 

    Self-doubt & Second Guessing

    A mind is a powerful tool. Think of anything you want and you can condition yourself to strive towards that goal. Align your thoughts, ideas, and plan our series of actions to make something happen. However, while it can be a powerful tool to succeed, it can also destroy you. 

    Whenever there is uncertainty on a task or a situation. It is normal to second guess. It is not always jumping off the bat, it is normal for humans to stop for a while and doubt their abilities. However, having this repetitive behavior can lead to serious consequences. This is one of the hardest challenges I faced. Because no matter how much I prepared for something, I beat myself up with doubt and too much second-guessing. And it always ends up in a pool of negative thoughts. 

    Learning to balance self-acceptance and improvement became my self-care process. It is about reminding myself that I can do it, while not ignoring the possibility that I still have to learn throughout the execution of a certain task. You have to train your mind to give credit to your preparation. If self-doubt comes from bad experiences in the past, recognize the triggers and practice overcoming those. Use the power of your mind to decide on what is going to happen. Balance things out and see what works better for you.

    Overworking

    Life is full of endless possibilities and you can be whoever you want to be. To achieve this, you start to develop a momentum of working hard to get what you want. May it be expensive possessions, gathering connections, or a huge career break. Your job will help you a lot to achieve it. 

    However, work is only a part of life. Overworking yourself can lead to serious health issues, develop negative habits, and can damage your overall lifestyle. No matter how important running a business or keeping your job is, work-life balance should be the priority. I have been through countless sleepless nights, neglecting self-care, and dedicating most of my time to my career. Seeing my progress was great, but it is becoming an unhealthy practice. According to several studies, overworking that leads to burnout can cause deteriorating mental health. Depression and anxiety have been its top effects along with a heightened risk of stroke and heart disease. 

    Learning to balance work and life may be challenging for workaholics. But your mental and physical health should not suffer as you go on your journey to success. I have learned that even prioritizing one too much can also be damaging. Overworking can cause issues that can prevent you from going to work. It reduces your fuel to your drive. Thus, balance is all there is left to do. Take time to rest, spend time outside, nourish your relationship with people, and take care of yourself. Because short-term success should cost you long-term problems.  

    Toxic Positivity

    During difficult times, staying positive is important to keep going– “look at the bright side of things,” they say. It can help you overcome challenges by focusing on the better aspect of the situation or shifting your attention to something more desirable. But, only looking at what comforts you can be toxic. 

    Tabitha Kirkland, psychologist and associate teaching professor at the University of Washington’s Department of Psychology, defined toxic positivity as a response that dismisses emotions instead of affirming them. It can stem from a place of discomfort and a lack of empathy. Toxic positivity is a “false reassurance” over a serious issue. While it can manifest in your response to other people’s challenges, you can unknowingly do it to yourself too. 

    Clinging on to positivity prevented me from recognizing my emotions. Looking at the “bright side,” caused me to suppress what I deemed as unwanted emotions (negativity). And that did not help in solving them. Which resulted in even more suppressed negative emotions. Now that I have learned better, every feeling and emotion should be acknowledged. According to some research, ignoring negative emotions makes people feel worse later on. Not only can it let you enjoy real happiness, but also completely let go of negativity.

    Define Your Happiness

    Marie Kondo always asks, “does it spark joy?” While this applies to organizing closets and only keeping what is important to you, it is a powerful principle towards achieving happiness. Toxicity can sometimes be comforting– but only to the point of getting used to it. I found myself being comfortable in a toxic situation just because it has been a norm for me. It is comfortable because I had no idea how much it affects my well-being and I do not have to change. But does it spark joy for me?– also no. 

    The only thing there is left to do is to change my views, habits, and how I treat myself. More than anyone, I know how I can find happiness. And from that, only I should know how to make it happen. 

    It’s up to you to decide on how to live your life. You can settle with a monotonous lifestyle, a comfortable one, or constantly live on the edge. What matters is to choose how you wish to live every day. When things do not look good, feel right, or cause you happiness, you have to take charge in abandoning it. Because you always deserve to live your life the way you want to. It took me enough courage to keep only those that sparked my joy. Discover what is yours and reclaim your peace and happiness.  

    Continue Reading

  • Life

    What the COVID-19 Pandemic Has Taught Us in Life So Far

    Being a writer has taught me to define years in my life as thematic scenes. Just as how many stories are fueled with themes, mine always had one. They are the pulse of the story, and they keep the momentum going.

    The same goes for our lives. We must choose a theme that will compel us to complete our story. I motivate myself by dedicating all my goals, actions, and plans to this ultimate idea. 

    That’s how I wanted 2020 to play out for me. It was well planned out, and I was ready to commit to my theme of the year. Until the clock struck 12 on the first of January, and we’re all doomed with uncertainty from a spreading disease.

    My theme of the year made a 360 degree turn from Ambition to Fear.

    Now, after almost three months of quarantine, some lessons have emerged from the time alone I’ve spent reflecting on this.

    Life Is Fleeting

    With everything that’s going on around the world, not knowing what’s exactly going to happen soon and not having planned everything kills me. It makes me anxious.

    Just as people have been saying early on into this saga, life will never be the same. But that’s all right. It could be a bit hard to wrap one’s brain around it, but it’s humbling to know that we don’t own our lives, let alone our time here on earth. 

    Accepting this could be life-changing, empowering even. Knowing we’d spring right back on track after a few months is more comforting. 

    But there’s nothing wrong with also knowing that any time could be our last because it gives us the sense of urgency we need in life. It makes us carefully ponder the choices we make, and ask ourselves if the clock is ticking, how should I make each moment count?

    With this reflection in mind, I think it’s only appropriate we change the theme of our year from Fear to Faith.

    Faith Is Greater Than Fear

    When you think about it, we’re like trees. No matter how strong the wind gets, as long as we’re grounded in our roots, we can only ever bend and not uprooted. 

    Faith keeps us grounded. More than anything, it helps us find compassion and healing to move forward. When we focus on what we believe in, everything that once was scary will never have a hold on us anymore. 

    The future is what you make it. But if we choose to get distracted by temporary things, the economy, political climate, and the growing number of deaths, we will only be crippled with fear. Thus, the inability to create the future we always wanted.

    When we focus on what truly matters, nothing frightening could take our Faith away from us. God has already won the victory, anyway. He alone knows all His plans for us, which are plans to bring us prosperity and not disaster (Jeremiah 29:11).

    It’s just a matter of perspective. When we shift our point of view on Faith > Fear, doesn’t it feel like a load has been lifted off our shoulders?

    Humanity Is Our Shared Responsibility

    A life worth living requires a commitment to each other. The way forward is always uncharted. But it’s worth the fight and adventure when we have each other.

    We should all remember that we are made for one another. God created humanity for unity, and our community is everything. We cannot survive alone in this world.

    No matter how much we think we have it all, we’ll still have gaps in our lives that other people can fill for us.

    Real joy comes from a generous heart. And it’s even more fulfilling when we help each other out. So, in times like this, don’t hesitate to find people you can grace with your blessings.

    Just do something – no matter how big or small. What matters is your intention and where your heart is when you give.

    More than ever, this pandemic has allowed us to come to terms with the reality of humanity and how we must take care of each other.

    Life is not about what you keep for yourself. It’s about what you contribute to the ones you love, your community, and the rest of the world. We are co-existing, and it is our shared responsibility to have each others’ back.

    —

    So, hold on to FAITH this year and turn all these moments of destruction and uncertainty into something you can control. Wherever you are in the world, be the light in someone’s darkness. And that’s how you keep the Faith. Hopefully, that, and the other lessons we learn from this over time, will stick around for the long haul.

    Continue Reading

  • Life

    Swan Song

    My mom is a healthcare worker.

    This was the exact line I used to start my tweet the other day as I detailed what went through my video call with my mom. I’ve been keeping myself silent lately, just praying she would come out stronger after she fulfills her duty. But this time, I decided to share this story to give people an idea of what it’s like nowadays when your mom is working in the healthcare industry.

    My mom had to endure a 14-day shifting schedule in the hospital. Eight days in, she’s already experiencing a bad sore throat and has an almost unrecognizable voice. She also complains of headaches and back pains. Granted, she is a middle-aged woman, and back pain has always been part of her daily life as a working mother. But her sore throat alarmed us. Sadly, she could not be checked because her symptoms aren’t enough to qualify for testing.

    In the latest statistics, about half of COVID-19 deaths in the country are casualties at the frontlines of this battle against the disease—doctors never backing down even from the uncertainty brought by the adversary. At the beginning of the Enhanced Community Quarantine, there was clamor, but never for once, we heard these heroes complain about the chaos. They’d instead perform their duty under the oath they’ve sworn upon in their profession.

    But that was only a prelude of what will follow. Slowly, we started losing doctors. Within the two weeks of this quarantine period, it seems like each day we hear about the passing of a doctor or someone in the healthcare industry. A lot of us were heartbroken—and will continue to be if we fail to unravel this problem.

    As we applaud the sacrifices and dedication of these healthcare workers during this difficult time, I am reminded of this legend about a beautiful swan who sang until her last breath. In the words of English Composer Orlando Gibbons, the legend goes:

    “The silver Swan, who living had no Note,

    when Death approached, unlocked her silent throat.

    Leaning her breast against the reedy shore,

    thus sang her first and last, and sang no more:

    Farewell, all joys! O Death, come close mine eyes!

    More Geese than Swans now live, more Fools than Wise.”

    These front-liners whom we tend to take for granted, have now grown on us with our need for survival against COVID-19. They’ve approached the threat of the virus head-on and given their all to save us from the misery. Some of them even worked until their last breath to fulfill their duty.

    Now, let us take this moment to listen, empathize, act, and pray for them. Empower these people who are building shields of protection with their blood, sweat, and tears, never allowing the deadly virus to take what’s left of our precious liberty.

    This is to our healthcare professionals – our doctors, nurses, medical staff, dieticians, social workers. And this is an eye-opener for you – who loves the country and its people dearly.

    Because sooner or later, another swan song would resonate the grounds of these chaotic sanatoriums and the empty streets of locked down cities, but we may be too preoccupied even to notice the beauty of the final act these unsung heroes have offered for our country.

    Their glory days may be over, but they’ve forgone those precious moments so that ours could go on. They left us with the hope that the sun will shine upon us. When that time comes, may we never forget the splendor of their acts of service before they succumbed to their end.

    May we be wiser and not follow blindly.

    And may we not fall in deaf ears as we listen to their pleas.

    Let us all offer our gratitude and prayers to our front-liners. Thank you for showing us what love for the country means in this time of Coronavirus.

    As for my mom and the rest of the healthcare professionals who are still in the frontlines battling this disease, I could only pray they get tested before they are sent home to their loved ones. Mass testing should be something our country strives for. After all, these people have offered their service with compassion and honor despite being in a high-risk industry.

    As for us youngbloods, our parents are not getting any younger. And it is our duty as their sons and daughters to fight with them on this journey. This may not be the life any of us have expected to happen this year. But certainly, there are people on the frontlines of this battle who have made greater sacrifices than us for the common good. So, we must cooperate, do everything in our power to prevent the spread of the virus while being productive as we stay home. There may be more disappointments that are about to come, this pandemic might last longer, but this is not something we should endure forever.

    In the end, we will all look back to this day and see it as something we have accomplished – only if we do this right. Take care of yourselves, follow the preventive measures set by the authorities, and together, we’ll find a way back to the life we used to have. For now, a little sacrifice goes a long way.

    While writing this piece, my phone buzzed. I got a text from my mom.

    Goodnight, my child, she said. And as I read her text with eyes almost welling with tears, I wonder how many front-liners would be able to bid their families goodnight before they sleep tonight.

    Continue Reading